Labuan, It Shall Be

After a wonderful treat to japanese food by my mother, my mind was clear - I shall move on by going to Labuan. BUSY will be the only word that exists in my dictionary for the next couple of days. Imagine they gave us such a short time to pack our luggage. What kind of system is that?

Anyways, I shall not complain as I'm considered very lucky to even get the offer.

On the other hand, guilt will be shown all over my face when the time comes to leave my new school and friends. I will not be able to fulfill a promise that I'd made to them that is going to school tomorrow for the last day. Gosh, what I hate most is that I can't even apologize to them as I don't have their contacts! How stupid am I to not ask for their contacts! Sigh..

Mistakes will not be repeated, I hope.

Lastly, my mind is made up eventhough there's pros and cons of going to Labuan. When God is calling, we have no choice but to go.

Undecisive..

Just when I really love my new school... Something unexpected occurred.. I got the offer to study matriculation but not at the place that I'd hoped for. They decided to place me in something that I least hoped for - Labuan. My family is overjoyed for me. I think I would be too if I didn't start schooling. Now that I have, I'm having a hard time to decide, whether to stay or not.

I've made some friends and I really love the atmosphere and the environment there. I love the principal. She motivated me and is so much more powerful or spirited than my previous headmaster. I don't feel like leaving but if I don't leave, I may regret for all eternity. If it wasn't for the extremely hard syllabus, I wouldn't mind all the strict rules anymore.

Decision has to made as quick as possible as the date of registration is 3 days away. I'm such a poor decision maker. Most importantly, I don't know if I can leave without all my songs!

Labuan or La Salle? ...

Labuan or La Salle? T_T

Labuan or La Salle? >.<

Labuan or La Salle? .__.

My mind is so freaking screwed up. I may have to say 'bye bye blog'! Nooooo I wouldn't want that! The last thing I want to do is that!!!

My First Accident

Thursday, 21 May 2009 - At 1.20 p.m., near my school compound that is SM La Salle, I knocked a car... I repeat...
Saya terlanggar kereta orang lain... Wo zhuang dao ren jia de che... I hit a car while reversing...

Luckily, my license didn't get suspended... The damage wasn't very serious, so the guy didn't make a police report but I had to pay him money for the repair... I was very worried and I couldn't stop thinking about what my parents would say but everything was okay in the end. My parents didn't scold me, they were cool about it. I guess they understood my situation, that is having a problematic eye. Never the less, I still drive but with carefulness.

I was really sad after the accident but a calendar that arrived exactly on that day made me feel so much more better. Thanks, I appreciate it very much! :)

Flirtation

The wall of my room now wears a purple-bluish coat named flirtation. What a weird name, huh? I wonder why it is named flirtation. Kakaka

It took me 3 days to paint my room. After painting, I feel like 'whoosh shuuuper tired but shuuper satisfied'. Anyhow Whhheeee~ I'm feeling ecstatic~ Me like the colour. Too bad it's not sky-blue. Boo hoo~ Due to the limitations of colours, I have to choose that purple-bluish colour. Well, my mom and dad love the colour, so I love it too! XD

You Found Me

Is this a dream?
If it is
Please don't wake me from this high
I've become comfortably numb
Until you opened up my eyes
To what it's like
When everything's right
I can't believe

You found me
When no one else was lookin'
How did you know just where I would be?
Yeah, you broke through
All of my confusion
The ups and the downs
And you still didn't leave
I guess that you saw what nobody could see
You found me
You found me

My List of Change

1. Take back any unpleasant thing I have said in this blog
2. Forgive everyone that has hurt my feelings
3. Most importantly, forgive myself
4. Paint the wall of my room sky-blue and if can, rearrange the position of the mirror
   
5. Appreciate my parents more
   
6. Pay more attention to my sis
7. Stop complaining and blaming
8. Look forward in going to form 6 if I don't get accepted by Matriculation
9. Have fun in everything I do and don't be too serious
   
10. Have more faith in God

I'll try my best.

Addicted

It's like you're a drug
It's like you're a demon I can't face down
It's like I'm stuck
It's like I'm running from you all the time
And I know I let you have all the power
It's like the only company I seek is misery all around
It's like you're a leech
Sucking the life from me
It's like I can't breathe
Without you inside of me
And I know I let you have all the power
And I realize I'm never gonna quit you over time

Shaking

My hands are shaking. In fact, my whole body is shaking. My chest is burning. I feel like my whole body is in flames. I feel like dying. It is unbearable.
If I were a doll, I will be broken down into pieces easily. So easy, that even a touch can break me. I'm breaking and it's hurting. It hurts so badly that I think of doing the unthinkable. Everything is just so confusing to me.
Hatred is growing ever more inside of me. I will be overwhelm by it if I don't control it, maybe even go berserk. I'm keeping an eye on it now so that it wouldn't grow bigger than me and gain control over me, but I don't know how much longer I can hold it.

That's just life, isn't it?

2 lamn dong years..

There's a huge chance that I might have to stay a couple of years here... I might have to further my studies here... doing FORM 6... Actually, I wouldn't mind studying form 6. It's just that people that are studying form 6 will be missing all the fun.. Well, for me at least.

Studying form 6 means that I'll be staying with my family for another 2 years, perhaps more.. I wouldn't want that.. I want to be independent. Staying means torture to me. I hate this, I really do. I want to go out on my own and learn stuffs. I want to experience life as a lone ranger or whatever it is instead of being stuck here.
Some people may think that I am crazy but I'm not. I'm serious. I'm crazy to leave now. It may be regrettable later but who cares. My decision now is to pack and leave as soon as possible. Sigh...

Would it kill to just let me know the results? Would it kill to just tell me that I may be studying elsewhere? I guess it does, huh? Time is wasted as I sit here and write crap.

Cyber-Jam

Today's newspaper-Daily Express, published an article regarding on the PSD's Scholarship. It said that the results are coming out on 5:00 PM.

5 o'clock SHARP, I went to the website and was utterly disappointed. The results are not yet out! I checked three to five times and still, I got the same result. Then, at 5:23 PM, I checked AGAIN for the don't-know-how-many-times already, ergh.. NOT YET OUT! To make matters worse, the site is super JAM. I have to load so many times just to get in to that website. Out of curiosity, I looked at the hit counter. WoW, 1000++ visitors in just a few minutes!! AMAZING! I'm jammed here..

In the end, I gave up. I decided to check later when there will be less visitors which will be like midnight or past midnight... Great, just when I was so anxious to know the results... =.=
I hate jams...

Some Salad

Recipe for a simple salad from Asian Food Channel's 'License To Grill'.

1. 4 Apples
2. Celery
3. Walnuts
4. Raisins
5. 1 tbsp of Yogurt
6. 1 tbsp of Mayo
7. 3 Limes

Walah~ Lol this is only for my reference though. I doubt that other people can understand this. Hahaha

Frustration

I'm frustrated. I'm frustrated. I'm frustrated.
I'm Damn Frustrated. I'm FUCKING Frustrated.

True Or Not?

Sleeping in front of a mirror is not a good thing. (okay, this maybe true, but why??)
Because the person that sleeps in front of the mirror may experience bad dreams?? Hmm.. is it really true??

Well, based on my experience, I have to say, it is true.

I sleep in front of a mirror. So, I never really bother even though I do have some weird dreams.
In my dream, people that appear in it are ALL unknown. I don't know who are they, never even seen them in real life but in my dream, I'm very familiar with them. They are like good friends in my dream and they all had names that I would later forget once I woke up. Weird, huh?

Anyways, I could bear with most of the dreams, good ones bad ones, yeah okay fine.
But just recently, I had this really scary one. So, here it goes:
(Warning: Readers May Not Get A Clear Image In Their Head Or Even Understand What Am I Writing Because I Had Forgotten Most Of It And I DO NOT Have A Vivid Imagination Plus I Suck At Describing Things, So Please DO NOT Read If You Do Not Want To Read A 10-Years-Old's Essay. My Intention Here Is Only To Share My Experience.)

It was pitch black at first, then I heard faint but FIERCE barks. The barking was getting louder and louder.

Then I started opening my eyes. It was blurry and still dark. All I saw was rusty silver bars and slowly, traces of figures. When my vision had fully recovered, I had the shock of my life when I saw a big black dog with sharp teeth (If you are wondering what breed is it, sorry I don't know) barking right at me. It had drools all over! I instantly knew that it was not a friendly one for it had eyes that I had never seen before. I could tell that it was full of evil and anger.

I backed away fearfully. It was then that I realized the dog was behind the bars. Thankfully, I wasn't in any danger at all. Out of the blue, a human grabbed the dog and tried to tie its mouth with something..(I can't quite remember this part..) It looks like the man was trying to hold the dog down. "Go, go, go!!", he yelled.

Out of nowhere, 3 people rushed into the house as quick as thunder! Behind the bars they went!! "That's where the beast is!! Why are they rushing over there??!!", I yelled in my mind.

When they had stepped foot into the house, they motioned me to follow. "What are you doing? Come on, faster!", they shouted at me. My mind was a total blank.. Www.. what was I supposed to do??!! I was so afraid that I could not stand up. That creature there is frightening! That dude is still trying very hard to hold it back. Somehow just by staring at him made me remember my mission.

I was assigned to kill DEMONS there. I was an (I don't know what to be called) exorcist. I was in front of a haunted house. (Crazy or what? What kind of dream is this??!!)

Awared of what I am and what I'm suppose to carry on, I still hesitated. I did not want to go over the bars. I was scared shitless just by looking at that dog! It seems the dog is protecting the house. Scary!

Then, that dude opened the bars(it's a gate) and dragged the dog out of the house. It seems that he knew I was scared. I'm such a coward, I thought. With the dog out of the way, I quickly dash into the 'danger zone'.

We, exorcists were fully armed. We wore clothes that looked like soldiers' uniform(green and black). We had weird weapons. In order to see the demons, we need special equipment. But, we could only equip it over our LEFT eye. (This is the part I seriously hate. My LEFT eye is a lazy eye, so I have problem - My vision is not clear.) Great, just great. How the heck did I become an exorcist if I have this shitty problem!

Skipping to the fighting demons part
Okay, I saw two demons. They were crawling on the wall and I found them hanging from the corner of the wall. My image was so blur that I had wish I was blind.. They looked like the creature in Lord of The Rings, the one that kept saying "My Preciousss..".
Anyways, I aimed at the demons. Then, suddenly they lunged at me! Instead of defending myself, I covered my eyes! One of the demons scratch and tore my chest off!! Blood splashed everywhere. I could see my flesh torn! In just a few seconds, I DIED.

In my vision that is!! Whoosh, I had a vision. The me in my dream just had a VISION. So cool!

Coming back to reality, I was still standing there, targeting at the two demons. Then, just like the vision, they lunged at me. Uh oh! I only have few more seconds to live if my vision do come true! Only this time, I did not cover my eyes. With my hands, I held my weapons high, aimed, and shoot at one of the demons. (I don't remember how it die though, like how gory it is..) Because it was two against one, I only managed to kill one. The second one was so quick that I couldn't follow. It jumped up at me. Before it could lay its bloody hands on me and finishes me off, it got shot dead.

"Hey, you okay?", said a familiar voice. Still startling, I looked at him. He was BIG and MUSCULAR. Wow, look at his muscles. He wore black sunglasses and was kind of bold. He was so strong! He was something like my captain. I think, can't quite remember..

-THE END-

Haha I could only remember until there. The rest is about me having difficulties adjusting to the equipment and my blurry image. This is a freaky and scary dream with images seen with a lazy eye. It seriously sounds like it was from a game, huh? Except, I never play those kind of killing demons game and I don't play those first-person shooting game like counter strike or any other. I just hate those kind of game.

I now cover the mirror with a piece of cloth and do not experience anymore of this weird stuffs.

So, anyone that has any opinion about sleeping in front of a mirror, please do share.